What is Parenting Humility?
Parenting humility means being willing to acknowledge that you don’t have all the answers, staying open to learning, and recognizing that your child — especially an autistic child — can teach you just as much as you teach them. It’s about balancing confidence in your role as a parent with an honest understanding of your limitations. Remember, knowing that you have limitations is by no means the same thing as admitting failure. It’s quite the opposite, in fact. It takes strength to listen openly to things that challenge you. Humble parents are flexible, curious, and willing to change their approach as they discover new insights about their child’s needs from various sources.
Humility in parenting aligns with findings from Davis et al. (2016), who define humility as an interpersonal strength rooted in openness, appreciation of others’ perspectives, and willingness to revise one’s viewpoint. These qualities, when brought into parenting, promote trust, growth, and emotional safety in the parent-child relationship. When these qualities are brought into autism parenting, specifically, it also reminds us to lead with our child’s value, with their strengths, and uplifts their own capacity for autonomy and self-determination. In other words, it reminds us to treat them with respect and acknowledgement of their capacity for independence.
Characteristics of parenting with humility include:
✅ Openness to feedback and new information
✅ Willingness to apologize to your child and recognize or repair mistakes
✅ Flexibility to adapt parenting strategies when you learn new information
✅ Respect for the child’s unique perspective regarding their own experiences
✅ Comfort with learning alongside your child
Let’s break down an example of what parenting with humility can look like when parenting an autistic child…
A parent notices that their child resists bedtime every night, even though they have successfully kept the same routine for nearly two years. So, one night, instead of forcing the same approach, the parent reflects, and says out loud to their non-verbal child, “Something doesn’t seem to be working at bedtime. Let’s see if you can help me figure out what is wrong, ok?”
The parent continues to observe and verbalize observations throughout the routine and realizes that during the new bedtime story, their child begins jumping on the bed and laughing. It is too stimulating. Their child “told” them what was happening with the bedtime routine with their behaviors. The parent shift to a calming audiobook and observes improvements within a few days. That’s humility in action.
Even though the child could not verbally express their feelings, the parent “listened” to the child’s actions. They were open to the idea that their proven routine needed to change and let their child’s actions help them determine a new way forward.
Parenting humility can feel like a role reversal and a stark shift in the traditional power dynamics between parent and child. This can be especially jarring in an autism family where a parent may be used to thinking of their child as vulnerable and in need of guidance and protection. And, this can be very uncomfortable when we have faith in routines and practices that help make life easier. Doubting or questioning parenting systems we have put in place can reintroduce challenges into our family, too. But when we don’t practice parenting humility there can be negative consequences.
Here are some to consider:
Negative Characteristics When Humility is Missing
🚩 Overconfidence in one “right” way to parent, being closed off to updating your point of view
🚩 Dismissing feedback from professionals, teachers, or even the child that could be helpful
🚩 Rigid or inflexible parenting approaches that increase distress and lower quality of life
🚩 Difficulty repairing conflict or acknowledging mistakes
🚩 Interpreting the child’s differences as defiance or things to be fixed rather than expressions of neurodiversity
Let’s examine what parenting without humility can look like…
A parent insists on using time-out for every behavioral outburst, but the child shows growing frustration and even distress because they don’t have help co-regulating. They show consistent or even increasing meltdowns, too. When a teacher suggests the child is acting out due to sensory overload, the parent dismisses it, believing the child just “needs more discipline” in order to learn appropriate behavior. The opportunity to adapt is lost. The relationship suffers and so does the child’s well being.
What This Means for Autistic Children
When parents embrace humility, they send the message that their child’s “voice” matters (regardless of verbal ability) and that the child is worthy of being understood. Autistic children, in particular, benefit when parents see themselves as co-learners — noticing communication differences, sensory needs, and strengths with curiosity instead of judgment. Humble parenting supports stronger connection, greater trust, and a more secure relationship that respects neurodiversity.
In the neurodiversity-affirming movement, humility is central to rejecting ableist assumptions and embracing each child’s unique developmental path. Research even links parental humility to improved outcomes in conflict resolution and family relationships (Rowatt et al., 2006; Davis et al., 2016).
Final Reflection
Humility isn’t about losing your authority or giving up your instincts — it’s about honoring your child’s perspective, staying curious, and remaining open to growth with your partner. In fact, parenting humility is a show of strength and confidence in a person that doesn’t feel threatened by learning from their own child. Remember, not all strategies or approaches are the right fit for every family, but having an understanding of different available styles and tools makes it possible to improve and adjust when you need to.
If you would like to reflect on your parenting humility, download my FREE parenting humility worksheet here OR on the storefront tab above.
Parenting Through ASD 